State of Denial

I feel so rejected. My car failed its biannual inspection.

I have not had the best of luck with these things. I've probably been through 12 New Jersey inspections and I think I only passed on the first try three times. And I have never failed because of emissions - the whole reason why inspections started in the first place.

It's always stupid crap, like that third brake light up in the back window. Those damned things must be designed to go out just before inspection time. Thanks to the state of New Jersey Motor Vehicle Commission, I now know how to replace the friggin' third brake lights on Windstars, Chevy Luminae, and Chevy Celebrities.

Wagons and sedans.

I miss the old Alaska inspection. Back in the day, Alaska didn't actually have an inspection, it was Anchorage that did. And that inspection was a breeze. The car could have no doors and be on fire, but so long as the flame coming off the engine block was burning clean, you passed.

In Jersey, I fail for everything. Brake lights. Alginment. Enlarged prostate.

So once I pulled into the inspection station with a car that I knew would fail for everything. This car was so crappy that I was able to pay for with a single personal check. The inspector hit the horn and nothing happened. No noise, no squeak, nothing.

A functioning horn is not only mandatory to pass inspection, it is also an essential part of the New Jersey driving experience (especially if you hold your cell phone in your finger-flipping hand).

The second inspector (New Jersey vehicle inspection is a two-person job) didn't even realize that my car was on its way to his station because he was relying on the noise from the horn to wake him up. And yet that car passed.

So this time I failed because of insufficient tire tread. Oh well. At least my engine meets pollution standards.

And my third brake light works.