Politics as unusual

Since you all just can't get enough of election coverage, I'm proud to present

Mr. E's Election Night
Est-iest Awards

Smarmiest Democrat ad goes to John Eaves

Narrators Congressmen John Lewis, Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin, and Former UN Ambassador Andy Young
"On November 7 we face the most dangerous situation we've ever had. You think fighting off dogs and water hoses in the 60's was bad and there we sit idly and let the right wing Republicans take over the Fulton County Commission."
"The efforts of Martin and Corretta King, Josea Williams, Maynard Jackson, and many others will be lost and that's why we must stand up and we must turn out the vote for the Democrats on election day."
"And especially for John Eaves for Fulton County Commission Chairman."
"Unless you want them to turn back the clock on equal rights, human rights, and economic opportunity for all of us, vote for John eaves as Fulton County Chairman."
"Your very life may depend on it."
Announcer: This message paid for by the Committee to Elect John Eaves

Your very life may depend on John Eaves becomming a County Chairman? This is a gang that needs their hyperbole licenses revoked!

Smarmiest Republican ad goes to Vernon Robinson

Announcer: "You needed that job and you were the best qualified - but they gave it to an illegal alien so they could pay him under the table. It's happening all over America because of politicians like your Congressman, Brad Miller.
"Millions of Americans have lost their jobs to people who aren't even supposed to be here. Instead of securing the borders, Brad Miller voted to give these illegal aliens driver's licenses, Social Security benefits, and many other government freebies. He even actually voted to allow convicted child molesters to immigrate to America.
"These illegal aliens pay no taxes but take our jobs and our government handouts, then spit in our face and burn our flag.
"Well, Vernon Robinson has had enough. Vernon Robinson is an Air Force Academy graduate who proudly served in uniform under the American flag, a flag Brad Miller voted to let illegal aliens burn and trample."
Vern: "I'm Vern Robinson and I approve this message. If you send me to Congress, I'll secure the borders, stop the handouts, and protect your jobs."
Announcer: "Paid for by Robinson for Congress."

I'm sorry ... what House Resolution was it that allowed illegal aliens to burn the flag?

Second-Dumbest Statement by a Non-Candidate goes to Senator John Kerry for saying that if you don't use your brain, "you get stuck in Iraq."

Dumbest Statement by a Non-Candidate goes to Senator John Kerry for saying that he was sorry that we, the people, misunderstood what he said. No, John, we understood what you said; you said it wrong. "I'm sorry that you're so stupid" is not an apology.

Best Campaign Slogan goes to - D'oh, I missed the name - for "Why the hell not?" Please, please, please tell me this candidate's name if you know it.

Baseleast Argument goes to the Republican National Committee for "Lois Murphey doesn't support our values ... she even criticized a bill that included body armor for our troops." She criticized a bill that "included body armor for our troops"? How dare she? You can never criticize a bill that includes body armor for our troops. Everybody knows that including body armor for our troops makes a bill uncriticizable ... even if said bill reinstates the draft and slavery, hikes taxes, repeals woman's sufferage and the Dewey Decimal System, and requires all women to wear nothing but floral-print burkas!

Jumping the gunniest - runner up goes to the Philadelphia Inquirer online edition for calling the election in favor of incumbent Governor Ed Rendell while the polls were still open and "0% reporting".

Jumping the gunniest goes to Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) for saying the Democrats "had taken Ohio" seventeen minutes before pricincts were legally allowed to report results.

Oddest Call: NJ Senate race. At 8:45 pm, with a tally of 51% for Kean, Jr to 48% for Menendez, called in favor of Menendez because of what Wolff Blitzer called "hard numbers from exit polls." You know, because those worked so well predicting the Bush defeats in 2000 and 2004.

Odderest Call: Democrat Ben Cardin was forecast as winner of the Maryland Senate seat based upon his 44% of the votes. His opponent, Republican Michael Steele, only managed to muster 55% of the then-counted vote.

Confusedest Blogger goes to me at this very moment. I have now seen at least 5 cases where the networks have called races in favor of the canidate who was trailing in the vote count. If FOX News was calling these types of races in favor of trailing Rs I wouldn't be so confused, but even they are saying trailing Dems will be taking seats.

Ego-shatteringest Results go to Democrat hopeful Tim Mahoney. Dude. If you can't garner significantly more votes than a disgraced gay stalker of underage boys (Mark Foley), you really need a new campaign manager.

Right-Oniest Candidate Pairing goes to the Virginia 5th District for giving us the Goode-Weed race.

Successfullest Republican Strategery goes to the RNC for getting Democrat-ish Senator Lieberman elected in Connecticut. Perhaps the biggest win of the night for the G.O.P.

Unusualiest Race (for yours truly, at least) goes to the Texas 14th House District. Republican incumbent Ron Paul is facing off against Democrat Shane Sklar. I got sued once. Plaintiff's counsel? Sklar & Paul. Different Sklar, different Paul, but still ...

Hilariest Results Tracker goes to Comedy Central's Colbert Report for the Catastroph-o-meter, used to measure Democratic victories. The red side had Jesus, the blue side had Osama bin Laden